Helplessness.

Something horrible happened today, and I would like to share it with the world. Firstly I do not think I can describe what I feel right now but the tears rolling down my face are testament to the fact that what ever this particular emotion is, it is quite strong. 


So there is this sweet little girl that helps around the house, she's quite young and its one of the issues in Pakistan, i.e. child labour, and an ideal situation would be one in which we don't have to employ such young children to clean up after ourselves, but for now I console myself with things which may or may not be so substantial. I tell my self that if she doesn't work here, her mother will make her work somewhere else, and we are good people, we clothe her, feed her and give her shelter so essentially we're offering her a better lifestyle than what she has at home. That suffices for now. 


Any way, somewhere around 5 p.m I thought I heard someone cry outside my door while I was in my room, I shook it off thinking it was the TV, and I so wish that was true, but it wasn't. Well I had to leave my room for some reason and as I passed by the kitchen I saw some red blots on the floor. I thought it was red chili powder and dismissed it. Moments later the little girl was running down the stairs with tears in her eyes and holding a blood drenched tissue in her hands. My first thoughts, shock. I asked her what happened and before waiting for a reply I ran upstairs to call my mother. We asked her to sit down, gave her rolls of tissue to press the wound and cleaned up. I cannot emphasise this enough, the floor was RED, it was a dreadful sight, I cry as I recall it, but in that moment, all was calm, we got her to eat a little while we mopped the floors and drained it with water. After that, mum took her to the doctor and the poor thing got around ten stitches on her fingers. She was doing the dishes when she accidentally broke a glass and cut herself. 


I try to block out the images of her standing there bleeding and crying in shock and pain whilst I thought it was the TV, and some how I feel responsible. This is so unfair, if something like this were to happen to me, I am so sure I would have my family around me all the time, and although we try to keep her happy by taking her out and asking her not to do any work, it cannot substitue the need of her family, she needs her mother right now, and the worst part is she doesn't realise that, I guess she is stronger than I am, she giggles and smiles like nothing's wrong while I am clearly traumatised.


I think I would like to do something, something to help her and perhaps feel a bit less guilty than what I do right now. So we feed her, shelter her and clothe her, but that isn't enough, it's time we took responsibility of educating her. I would like to teach her how to read, I know mum has tried to find her a tutor but not hard enough, not like its her own child and so I think for now I would like to make myself useful by teaching her what I can teach her. Illiteracy is a huge issue that needs to be dealt with, just because we were born in privileged houses doesn't mean we have all the rights to every thing good. Education is a basic human need and its the right of every person to get an education, and if those in power aren't doing anything about it, let us use, the little power we have, to try and make a difference.


p.s. Getting it out there makes me feel better, well my nose is still running but my cheeks are dry so thats a good thing. 

The Inconvenient Truth.

Happy Sunday everyone! hope the week-end's going well and the following week is tolerable. So today, I went out with my dad to take care of some household chores and get a haircut (personally I hate getting haircuts, but for some reason those around me force me to go). While I was en route the meat shop I looked around to see hundreds of faces, and I mean actually looked as in creepy stalker looked. What I saw was a shocking revelation, the people in this city have forgotten how to smile. Out of a sea of some hundred people I think I detected a slight grin on two or three faces.


Makes me sad really, all I could see were vacant eyes and wrinkled foreheads, here I would like to add that personally I think wrinkles are a great thing, they give character to your face, but in this particular case wrinkles around the eyes would have been better news than what I actually witnessed. Now its not a discovery I have made, its all around us, the people of Karachi can very well see what I saw. So as we were driving along and I was forming this post in my head I remembered that amidst all the brain activity, I myself had raised brows and an intense look on my face, so here I took a pause and smiled. 


When we reached our first destination, dad got off to do what ever it was he had to do, and I sat in the car with the AC on, listening to Abida Ji and trying to figure out what the real problem was, well there are moments where I would like to think of my self as a deep thinker, but I have been told my mind in most cases comes to a quick outcome and that's what happened in this case too. I listed the causes of this perpetual frown that plagues our society as follow; depression, poverty, tension, frustration, sense of helplessness, heart ache, etceteras , etceteras. 


Our last stop was the Hair Dresser's Salon. As the car parked I remember thinking, 'I hope the AC's on' and as we got towards the door I realised the generator was on and in fact the AC's were not working. With no hair dresser free we sat ourselves down and waited our turn, at that very moment, with the sweat running down my face I had an epiphany, the heat made it impossible to smile. When for a second I felt bad for those who didn't enjoy the privileges I got, I decided to try and not look pissed. So I guess that was the answer I was looking for, people don't smile because they cannot. Yes everyone has problems, big and small, but one thing that everyone on the streets shared was the unbearable heat that surrounded them. So it turns out that apart from everything else that is screwing us over even mother nature is not on our side. 


The heat does not take away from the fact that our society has some deep psychological issues, major depression keep us in the dark and makes us bitter, with everything working against us perhaps it is God's wrath or just plain bad luck. But I would like to say that take a break, remember those things you learnt when you were young, about less facial muscles being utilised to smile, and what you learnt when you grew a little older, that smiling makes you look better. I know I wouldn't write if I didn't have something to say so I could be très dramatic and exhort you to smile and make someone else's day brighter(not literally, the sun's bright enough Thank you!) but I will put it in simple words, please smile as much as you can. 

'Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by'

 John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons

Something is Coming.

Hey all,

I wrote this piece sometime last year, during the cyclone Phet fiasco, I haven't changed it a lot except a few gramatical errors here and there, I hope you enjoy it.

Hassan.





Something is Coming.

Cyclone Phet packing sustained winds of 130 mph is moving towards the coasts of Oman and is expected to change its direction towards the coast of Pakistan in the next 48 hours. The intensity of the cyclone is expected to decrease as it hits Pakistan, but what if it doesn't? What if, this is what we all have been waiting for? What if this is divine justice and with in a week's time the city will be liberated of it's criminals? Like the flood that the people of Noah was warned of, this is a warning for all the wrong doers, the oppressors the dastardly villains creating havoc in the streets of Karachi to back off and board 'the ark' before its too late.

And indeed We sent Nuh (Noah) to his people (and he said): "I have come to you as a plain warner." 

Al-Quran (11:25)

From the pistol bearing young man on a motor bike to the power bearing 50-something year old politician in a white shalwar kameez, there's a lesson to be learnt. It is imperative that God frees the innocent from the tyranny of those who use their power as arsenal against the common man. Day in day out, the common man is being forced to compromise his life, his integrity and his very existence. Whilst the government is busy in planning for the 2010-2011 budget and creating more ways to loot him, he man worries if he'd even be alive the next hour let alone the next day.

Perhaps death is the easy way out. Who wants to live like this? Who wants to worry about the rising inflation and the loss of jobs? Isn't it better to just admit defeat and end ones life? Or maybe robbing some one at gunpoint sounds like a better alternative? There is a choice that people make without realising the repercussions. Without realising how what ever they do affects people. I guess survival instincts force people to be selfish, to put their needs above those of others and as long as there is food on the table who cares how many people die?

Of course the people in power are to be blamed. They are just not doing enough. Its funny how every one in the 'system' is willing to sell their pride, their morals over a few hundred rupees. It's those in power who exploit the common man and create obstacles which require a few strategies involving money and special favours. So yes, Phet is coming and let us all build our arks and wait for this natural catharsis to hit the city and cleanse it from these selfish scoundrels.

He said: "Only Allah will bring it (the punishment) on you, if He will, and then you will escape not."

Al-Quran (11:33)

So the time is here. Let us lock ourselves indoors, duct tape the windows and brace ourselves for what lies ahead . The cyclone has reached the coast, people near the beach are already experiencing heavy showers, many houses in clifton and defence have roofs falling and are now vulnerable to the hand of God. There is a huge villa there, which belongs to a particular MP, look, the three storey marvel is shaking, the roof has a whole in it, can you hear glass breaking? Maybe this is a sign, Phet will indeed relieve us of all our troubles. winds are getting stronger, I can hear the rain hitting on the window while I sit here in my basement. Obviously I have nothing to worry about, I am on the ark, but that's more than I can say for that sheikh living next door. He has a lot of things he needs to account for. Bang! I think that was the sound of the tree in their garden falling on his new S-Class Merc. Serves him right, that money came from no good place.

Wait, whats happening… the shaking is getting worse, I can't hear anything any more, there is too much noise. What was that? did the dining table glass just break? This cannot be happening, I thought I was on the arc.

People.

I come here for I've realised something and it has hit me so hard I need to let people know. As the heading suggests it's about people. A remarkable race we are, with so many types of people amongst us that quite literally define the superlatives running our lives. And a particular breed of people I want to talk about are so important for all of us it's hard to imagine life without them.


I want you to close your eyes(after you read this particular sentence of course) take a deep breath and think for a second, about what your biggest dream or achievement is and I want you to really think not just pretend, and once your done open your eyes and read on. Now imagine the route to that dream or achievement IF we didn't have any soldiers. Its something most of us can relate to, I am a Pakistani and I know if there weren't those who've made the goal of their life to die for me I would not be sitting here right this moment. With all the wars we've had with India who knows where we would have ended up if we were a nation with out an army, similarly, places like Iraq and Afghanistan couldn't defend themselves from internal and external attacks and we all know how they've ended up. Do you think you could be doing what ever it is that you love to do if you were living in Baghdad? So more or less it's a universal idea.


I can imagine how in todays so called 'civilised' world countries have obligations and they defend themselves while being a part of this universal web of conspiracies and schemes. It seems that everyone handling the state affairs seems to be in on the joke and the people just wait and watch, and that may make the existence of an army stupid, but I owe a debt of gratitude to all the people that have given their lives for my country and so do you. Think about it, we're the ones who wonder what we can do for our country whilst these people guard our borders without any personal agenda of their own. I dont know what goes through their minds, who wants to die protecting other people? And how can they defy their human instincts of survival and literally be in the line of fire being face to face with the reality that most of us ignore; we may not be alive the next second. I get CHILLS. 


Here I would like to make one thing clear, I do not think having military arsenal and thus wars is the way to go, it'd be great if all of us agree on everything and take care of our neighbours and not rob different countries of their resources(under the canopy of a war on terror) but that's the harsh reality, like high school this world has its bullies and we need to take a stand and speak up or else we may be silenced forever. 


So remember every time a soldier dies while you are still alive, make sure you thank them, you owe them so much more but acknowledging their sacrifice is the least you can do. For they are people who die to make your dreams come true. 

The Joys of Stumbling.

Those who know me know how stagnant my life is right now. Long story short, I am taking an involuntary gap year before uni, and I am always in search of 'things to do'. So any way I stumbled upon this list, which includes the names of the 100 best books ever written. So that's another task I am willing to take on and hopefully I shall succeed with in this year.


Now I have no delusions of fame and so I do not expect to set a deadline and become the next Julie Powell, for I would hate to constrict myself with a deadline. I honestly feel that a book must be felt and not just read, I cannot tell you the happiness engrossed reading has brought me and so I start.


Now for the future of that task. I decided to not clutter this blog(which is for pouring my heart out) and so I have created a separate portal  and from now on I shall summarise and analyse the text I read over there.


Coming to the list this is where I stand, the works I have already read;
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Hamlet by William Shakespeare.


The texts I own so shall soon follow;
To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
Iliad by Homer
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë


p.s. I would like to thank my dear friend who introduced me to the idea of stumbling, you know who you are. 

Life's Grave Ending.

The biggest paradox of life is death, in fact that is the only certainty, the only guarantee we're given when we come to this world, that you will leave. Sounds like a mean prank played by someone, you come here, you build a life, you build relationships and before you know it, you're lying in the dark waiting for yourself to decompose (burning to ashes and being eaten by fish is also a possibility). I am distressed as to how seriously I should  take the ordeal of death considering its so common that each and every one of us gets it sooner or later. I remember this play of Shakespeare in which he builds it up to the point the protagonist's love dies and without giving the audience a real chance to grieve for the loss of poor Ophelia he employs clowns as grave diggers putting in comic relief at the expense of her death. I thought hey, maybe death isn't that serious of a matter, but upon close scrutiny I found otherwise. 


I have lost people in this life and so I understand that it doesn't matter how certain death is, its still sad business and perhaps Shakespeare was mocking society for making such a joke of the situation, for they discuss something that was earlier soliloquised with utmost seriousness and now he injects dark comedy in the play. So as "all the world's a stage" I guess there are those amongst us who decrease the intensity of death, by making 'logical deductions' which to me seem most illogical, for even logic accepts the fact that to those close to the deceased an integral part of  their life is gone and it's a normal reaction to be upset and grave. Here a verse from the poetry of Khwaja Mir Dard comes to mind;

درد دل کے واسطے پیدا کیا انسان کو

ورنہ طاعت کے لیے کچھ کم نہ تھے کروبیاں

(Dard-e-dil kai wastai paida kia insaan ko

Warna ta'at kai liyay kuch kum na thay kar-o-byan)

This roughly translates to; the reason why mankind was brought to this world is to share each other's heart aches, since there are enough angels for worshipping God.

This could be referring to the philosophy that our soul being a part of God's 'Nur' (Light) longs to go back to that source and thus the life of this world is a constant heartache for the soul. It could also be talking about the expulsion of man from the Garden of Eden mentioned extensively in a lot of literary works such as in Milton's "Paradise Lost" or in Iqbal's countless poems. But not going in to the philosophy in literal terms the verse talks of man's duty to be there for one another in time of sorrow, and I cannot think of  a greater sorrow than death. 

There's a law of science which states;  what goes up must come down. And so is the case with us, we have to go back one day (unless of course for you this world is IT) so before we go let's make most of it. Now making money could be one goal in life, but I have noticed, those who worked on their people skills more than their earning skills are revered by all left behind. We lost one such man recently, my cousin, my brother and honestly a true source of knowledge and inspiration. The man had very little flaws if any and left us too soon, his departure has left a hole in a lot of people's hearts' and we are grieving, and though his absence will always be felt I have faith that he is in a better world now. 

In the Loving Memory of;

Ali Asghar Khoja

24.12.1979 - 16.03.2011

The Pieces of My Heart.

Gloom

My first post this year, I hope there are many to follow, and something worth reading too. Previously I have written out of anger and I have written out of guilt, today I write out of sorrow. With a sunken heart and swollen eyes I can't stop my fingers from shaping the words as you see them. So what is this about? Honestly, even I am not sure what it's about, but I know this much I need to get it out. Perhaps nostalgia is the strongest catalyst right now, and there is this strong sense of stagnation that breaks me up inside. 


Nostalgic am I, for I feel like I've lost so much already that the damage it has made is irreparable. I would like to think I am above it all and now its time to move on, but every time I take a stroll down memory lane it stings me to the core. The loss of innocence, loss of morality, the careless routines, the trivial pursuits, the friends, the enemies, the frenemies and things you held most dear to you at some point in life are either not so important any more, or gone to a place not known and all that is left is some electrical currents in my brain which retain all this to make me miserable when I am down. One particular thing that is lost (for what seems like)  forever, is the distinct taste of a bar of Dairy Milk. They just don't make them like that any more. My mouth waters and I can almost taste it but I can't taste it and that makes me sad. Here I must pay my respects to the human brain which can not only retain images, but sounds, tastes, smells and touch as well, that's pretty impressive, don't you think? 


Although I don't feel as sad as I did when I started writing, the pathos here is the fact that to all these memories I have given a part of my heart. And to some of them a huge one, and no matter how much I try to get on with what ever I have left (for that's my best chance of survival) it's like there is an invisible force that wants to pull all the pieces together, and at times the force from my side is so weak that I feel my incomplete heart trying to break free of the casket of this body, which creates excruciating pain and that is pain I'd have to live with. Now I don't want to sound petty and it's not about the chocolate but that was just an analogy, its more about what I feel than what I tasted,  what it invoked in me than the satisfaction it gave to my taste buds. Similarly there's a piece of my heart which I entrusted in a friend, a friend that proved to be negligent and wholly inattentive to my favours, and as much as I try to forget about............ I think I should let Wordsworth speak for me;

But yet I know, where'er I go,

That there hath past away a glory from the earth.

That is in a way exactly how I feel right now, no matter how much I try to forget I may never get that piece of my heart back, but try I will, and succeed to a certain extend I must. Since the future seems so appealing that despite the occasional weep, I can and will be happy, everything's in my favour. The sun will come up tomorrow, the air is still fresh and my heart (however broken it may be) still beats, I don't see reason to give up. And to all those readers out there, yes its a sad reality that these little things from the past, you may never get back, but let's try and not succumb to them, we might just miss another moment pass us by in the grievances. 

This poem pretty much sums it all up;

Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood 

By William Wordsworth

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream,

The earth, and every common sight,

To me did seem

Apparelled in celestial light,

The glory and the freshness of a dream.

It is not now as it hath been of yore;--

Turn wheresoe'er I may,

By night or day,

The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

The Rainbow comes and goes,

And lovely is the Rose,

The Moon doth with delight

Look round her when the heavens are bare,

Waters on a starry night

Are beautiful and fair;

The sunshine is a glorious birth;

But yet I know, where'er I go,

That there hath past away a glory from the earth.

Now, while the birds thus sing a joyous song,

And while the young lambs bound

As to the tabor's sound,

To me alone there came a thought of grief:

A timely utterance gave that thought relief,

And I again am strong:

The cataracts blow their trumpets from the steep;

No more shall grief of mine the season wrong;

I hear the Echoes through the mountains throng,

The Winds come to me from the fields of sleep,

And all the earth is gay;

Land and sea

Give themselves up to jollity,

And with the heart of May

Doth every Beast keep holiday;--

Thou Child of Joy,

Shout round me, let me hear thy shouts, thou happy

Shepherd-boy!

Ye blessed Creatures, I have heard the call

Ye to each other make; I see

The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee;

My heart is at your festival,

My head hath its coronal,

The fulness of your bliss, I feel--I feel it all.

Oh evil day! if I were sullen

While Earth herself is adorning,

This sweet May-morning,

And the Children are culling

On every side,

In a thousand valleys far and wide,

Fresh flowers; while the sun shines warm,

And the Babe leaps up on his Mother's arm:--

I hear, I hear, with joy I hear!

--But there's a Tree, of many, one,

A single Field which I have looked upon,

Both of them speak of something that is gone:

The Pansy at my feet

Doth the same tale repeat:

Whither is fled the visionary gleam?

Where is it now, the glory and the dream?

There is more but till here serves the purpose of my writing.